A Tale of Two Women

If there’s one thing that liberals love trumpeting, it’s their love for women.  And by “women”, I mean “female human beings who believe, talk, and act like they agree with the liberal agenda without a second thought of their own”.  If we were to be honest with ourselves – as we always should be, the single worst thing to happen to women in recent history has been liberal feminism’s fascistic stranglehold on the “female agenda”.

And woe be unto they who upset the apple cart.

Let’s start by talking about the woman who’s done more to promote the idea of powerful, confident females in recent memory, who was within a hair’s breadth of the Vice Presidency, and who was the inspiration for tens of millions of Americans – and I’m not talking about Hillary Clinton.

To be sure, Hillary’s rise to power is as admirable as the rise of anyone who rides her lecherous husband’s coattails to further her own agenda, but Sarah Palin is far different.  She’s a woman who didn’t ride any coattails, who got elected on her own merits and beliefs, and who has risen, stumbled, and moved along on her own merits.  She’s been a mayor, a governor, and a Vice-Presidential candidate who’s inspired millions and ignited a conservative base thought long dead under the ashes of the Bush-McCain Republican Party – all while being the mother of a gaggle of kids (including one special needs child) and gracefully guiding her wayward daughter through her late-adolescent pregnancy.   All this while helping her husband run a fishing company.

Now – to me, anyway, all this would scream “successful woman who should be a model for all people, not because of her gender, but because she is a successful human being”.  But not to liberals.  Sarah’s opposition to things like “murdering your baby because you’d rather not be inconvenienced” made her a target for the agenda-worshipping members of the liberal establishment.  She’d committed the cardinal sin in the religion of Liberalism: she disagreed with Liberalism.  On everything.  And, being good members of a fascistic, control-hungry religious order, the left did the one thing they’d do to anyone who’d oppose a fascistic, control-hungry religious order: they held an inquisition.

If they could’ve used thumbscrews, they would have.  Fortunately, they had photoshops and pictures of dolls instead.

And yet, Sarah remains Sarah.  In comparison to her critics’ frothing meltdowns, her new book is, in my ever-lovin’-not-even-remotely humble opinion, an honest (if singular-perspective) autobiography.  And despite the AP’s assignment of 11 reporters to fine-tooth-comb the book for “errors” (something they have yet to do with Barack “Jimmy Carter, Jr.” Obama’s 2 Bill-Ayers-scribed tomes), the books are classy – if folksy – tales from the inside that everyone should give ear to.

Naturally, the left is in a lather.  Perhaps she should’ve made contact with The Taliban or Al Qaeda first.  Then they’d love her!

Is it just women this happens to?  Absolutely not.  Is Sarah the only woman who’s suffered their wrath?  Absolutely not.  And this brings us to our second woman: Carrie Prejean.

Carrie Prejean, for those of you who’ve been residing under a rock, is the Miss USA runner up who dared to give her real opinion during an interview by celebrity pervert Perez “I’m Not Actually Creative and Can’t Think for Myself, So I’ll Steal Someone Else’s Name” Hilton.  Being a naive 21-year-old, she actually believed that saying that it was great that our country had the choice, but that her personal opinion was that marriage was a sacred institution that should be between a man and a woman was a way to be respected as a free-thinking individual who has her own opinions.

Unfortunately for her, those who would label her “free thinkers” would declare war on her for not thinking exactly like them.  This is because liberals confuse “free” with “liberal”.  They’re also bad at math, but that’s beside the point.

So, Ms. Prejean spends the better part of her time now defending her answer.  She was stripped of her title as Miss California USA, purportedly after refusing to take the Levi Johnston “let’s pose for a naked people magazine” Route dú Famé.  Still.  In the meantime, her liberal opponents are busily digging up as many semi-naked pictures of her as they can to “prove” her hypocrisy (never quite grasping their own hypocrisy).

And now, we’re receiving news that Ms. Prejean may have made more than just a few semi-naked pics.  Like so many stupid American adolescents, she may have made some videos for her boyfriend that involved her doing things that shouldn’t be done in front of a camera.  The hypocrisy!  The horror!

OK, first…  teenagers?  Here’s a few pointers from your good friend, Uncle Elephant:

1.  Don’t take naked pictures of yourself.  They’re never as funny or awesome as you think they are and they WILL end up on the internet.

2.  If it’s on the internet, everyone on the planet will know exactly what your hoo-hah or ding-dong looks like.

3.  You will be forever judged by your hoo-hah or your ding-dong.  That guy selling you french fries?  He’s seen your ding dong.  That creepy old lady with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth and breath that smells too much like Wild Turkey?  She’s seen your hoo-hah.

4.  Your mom and dad will be so proud!  Seriously…   no, they won’t.  Neither will your siblings, your grandparents, or your children.  There’s a reason they’re called “private” parts.

Ok – so we got that down?  No more taking naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone.  The “cool” kids who are doing that are retards, and unless you want to be just like the retards, you’ll keep your freakin’ clothes on whenever there’s a camera nearby.  Got it?  Are we clear?

Good.

Now, Ms. Prejean has indeed admitted that she’s done that exact stupid thing we’ve just been talking about.  She, too, thought it was cool, and now she’s fighting against a corporation with expensive lawyers and her waning credibility to keep those pictures and videos off the open market.  And now, today… a few years later and a bit more mature, she’s stating that she thinks it’s wrong.  Is she a hypocrite?  Maybe.  More likely, she’s a maturing woman who’s growing in her Christian faith and coming to the realization that she did some stupid things in her past that she’s now having to pay the price for.

If having liberals in charge should teach you anything, it’s that stupidity always costs.

But her own change of heart isn’t enough for liberals.  They want blood.  She dared to stand up for her own thoughts and beliefs and for this, she must be destroyed.  Disagreement with the agenda must not be tolerated, on pain of having Perez Hilton act like a complete jackass on his website whenever your name flitters through his tiny little brain, right in between his latest pervert session with anonymous lovers and wondering whether he should’ve gotten extra napkins with his Nacho Bellgrande®.

Carrie’s reaction has been, frankly, unfortunate.  She’s run away from softball interviews with Larry King and hasn’t quite learned the grace it takes to survive public exposure and criticism.  On the other hand, she’s twenty-freaking-two years old.  I have belly button lint older than Carrie Prejean.  I am fully confident that she will learn, grow, and continue to mature into an adult.

In the meantime, she could learn a lot from Sarah.  She could learn about the grace and confidence it takes to handle the idiotic, hypocritical, inquisitorial splatter-screaming criticism of the idjut left.  She could learn about what it takes to be a free-thinking woman who’s comfortable enough in her own skin to own up to her own shortcomings in a way that disarms her critics.  She could learn about the confidence that faith and family instill in her.

Frankly, I think we could replace the “She” with “I” in that above sentence.

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